Hold the Glimmer

Hi, kids.

I totally understand your complete lack of interest in the blog.  Really, I do.  With the zero posts that you’ve received and read in the last year, I fathom the disinterest.  You see, I became the editor-in-chief of my school newspaper and all writing has come to a halt while I deal with building a new, baller resume.  That resume may or may not include the four jobs I currently hold to keep living the dream and also full-time school schedule.  I’m pretty sure the last time I wrote a post, I was also diving in to a new, severely INCREDIBLE relationship.  I’m the happiest I’ve ever been and (gross yourself out) madly in love. In addition, I lost a bunch of weight, gained some back, lost some more and then ran a 5k in 30 minutes.  I’ve been battling body image issues like a mutha, but the gym has been newly found therapy and in the few spare hours I have per week, I hightail it over and get my ugly-sweat on. To say that I am busy is an understatement.

But, I care! I swear I do!  I need to keep this blog alive!  If I could turn back time (cue Cher voice), I would be documenting all of the absolutely ridiculous events in the last few months, but hey.  I’m here now, right?  Can I tell you about a cinema class I took over winter break?  It was horrible. and magical. and really miserable.  but also really wonderful.

Let’s start with the wonderful:

1. I’m watching movies I’ve never seen and probably never would see because I have a fear of watching movies.

Tracy.

What.

I know.  You see, it’s not that I can’t sit through one (well, that’s a slight fabrication…) I get emotionally invested … easily … in everything.  I cry over commercials.  I cry when the right song comes on at the right moment.  I cried watching The Real World the other night.  The Real World.  It’s the THIRD EPISODE of THE SEASON and P.S. I’M TWENTYNINE.  When you’re this emotional about the MOST INSIGNIFICANT THINGS, it’s really difficult to commit yourself to a full 90+ minutes of a storyline, let alone an ending that may or may not play in to what your head has already concocted.  I’ve started slowly falling in love with actors and movies I never thought I would have any interest in.  Would you believe that this girl is actually enjoying- nay, seeking out silent films?  I know.  Breaking barriers here.

2.  Adults in college level classes talk a lot and I do not want to be one of them.  I know that technically every student in the room is an “adult”, but there are two or three guys that are older than 35 that LOVE to hear their voices whether they’re being relevant or not.  I debated putting this in the “miserable” section, but it is truly a wonderful experience whenever they chime in and I don’t.  I’m constantly reminded to shut the fuck up because I’m borderline the fourth oldest person in the room and in competition with two other people for teacher’s pet.  The teacher’s pet part is due to the fact that the professor is also my journalism professor during the regular semester and he constantly reminds me and the class of how much time we spend together.  If one of the old guys isn’t interjecting with one of their irrelevant non-movie stories, it’s usually my professor asking “Hey Tracy” this or “so Tracy, what do you think about…”

and, well ya.  There’s the wonderful.  The list of miserable?

1.  You’re either absolutely insane or grinding your ass off if you sign up for an 8 a.m. class during Winter Break.  It’s the worst.  I’m barely alive before 11 a.m. and to have a professor that you like expecting you to be engaged in the class because everyone else except the four 35-year olds is asleep is the worst.  The. Worst.  And now I’m the teachers pet because no one responds to “Who is Judy Garland” and I don’t want my professor to feel that old.  See, I care.

2.  No coffee.  How the fuck I survived a morning class without coffee or food is a goddamn miracle and in my books an automatic A.  The classroom had a “problem” with insects and animals.  Yes, animals.  Food and drinks were strictly prohibited in the room and I sat through a MOVIE CLASS for three hours per day, four days a week without a perk.

Someway, somehow I passed the class and am currently missing it more than ever.  I’ve been busting my ass every week as the editor-in-chief for this newspaper and am flat out exhausted.  It’s tolling spending hours upon hours on a project that you 1. aren’t getting paid for and 2. have to be the biggest cheerleader for even when everyone has doubt in your abilities.  I’ve learned more about myself in the last three months than the last twenty years.  I’m constantly reminding myself that everything that happens in the newsroom is a learning opportunity and I will apply it in my professional life at one point or another.

And, I need to write more.  I need to remember that this is important to me.  Just holding the glimmer over here guys, holding the glimmer the best I can.